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November 17, 2004
Birthday Bashment
It was an autumn night like any other, yet something was off. The air outside of 87 Hall Street was thick and heavy and smelled strangely of Dolce and Gabbana perfume. It was unusually balmy for a November night. Three hot chicas hop into a cab and slowly pass over speedbumps in the road, the first and last warnings of caution they will heed for the rest of the evening. Tonight these young divas throw caution to the wind as they celebrate the end of an era for the eldest member of the trio-a rite of passage if you will-for you see, our lovely protagonist lays her twenties to rest and is about to usher in the third decade of her life. The carefree days of her youth are over. She is now, officially a grown woman, tonight is for reflection and raspberry mojitos.
So our cabby pulls up to the Sushi Samba on 7th Ave and the fly girls step out of the cab, and like wild animals (sexy ones) they survey their surroundings and get ready to pounce. For our dear protagonist, this is the last night that she can partake in such debauchery. After all, she is no longer a twenty-something.
And now...for the main event, already in progress.
Sara was the first to arrive, Kia, l'il sis and I arrived not so shortly after (sorry about the mix up Sara...thanks for not punching me in the face...you're such a trooper! Oh...I should also mention that by this time, Kia, Li'l Sis and I were in shock from the news of Ol' Dirty Bastard's death-we received the news in the cab en-route to the shindig-Rest in Peace ODB-!
I figured we'd have a little bit of a wait for a table, it being a Saturday night and all but I didn't expect to have my guests to have to make like the couches were a bed and start dozing off. It was like 11:30 p.m. before we got a table.
I start to panic, cuz that's what I do-I'm a panicker. Kia Sara and my sister tell me to calm down, and have a drink. They ply wme with alcohol, and what do you know? I'm good as new. It didn't even bother me that Lucien was fast asleep.
Ahh...just as I'm about to throw a fit, my beautiful homegirl Quita arrives to save me from self. I'm so glad to see her-we used to have regularly scheduled dates, but due to the fact that she actually has a life, we haven't been able to hook up. I'm so glad to see her!
Actually, she and my sister were the string behind the event...first of all, my real b-day was a week ago-and for those of you who read the Nov.7th blog, you'll know how i feel about the month of November-and you'll appreciate why I was hesitant to celebrate.
My sister took a 12 hour bus-ride from Toronto to New York City because she knew this, and she didn't want me to wallow in my own misery-and that meant hanging out with my best friend Jack. Not to mention the fact that I had no dough, and I was feeling sorry for myself. Li'l sis had a job, and some dough-and refused to take no for an answer and c'est ca!
Let me get back on point...So Quita arrives, Kia is in full convo with Hans and Frans, tourists from...ahh crap, I forget. They are really yukking it up-which is great, cuz I don't know how to entertain people for the life of me.
They're alright after all. They are actually from Tenessee which wins them bonus points because that's where my best friend Jack is from. I love Jack to death. They're even more alright when the dude with the cute accent offers to buy my next drink! We've become comrades in arms-waiting to be seated at Sushi Samba. Well, that is until two hot chicks in tight t-shirts arrive and we're old news. They decide to give up on the table and buy food from the bar. We watch them drink and eat while we wait, salivating, for our own table and our own food.
The traffic at Sushi Samba is incredible-it comes and goes in waves-It dies down for a minute, so we think that we'll be seated soon. Not so...but it's alright, cuz just then Gerrard arrives! Now I can die happy! He introduces himself to the entourage and orders a Jameson! Only to be had by serious whiskey drinkers. It's about 10:30 now and we are all more than a little hungry. L'il sis needs to go to a bank machine...and Kia offers to accompany her- taking the opportunity to snatch a snack. (By the way: I was onto you-both of you were takin' a little too long-i know my sis has a hard time reading American and everything, but even that couldn't explain your absence) It's insane...i can't believe that we've been waiting so long for a table. Lucien is still asleep and my drink is finished. Not good. But before I have time to sulk, here comes Amyn my hero strollin' up the block his bright eyes twinklin'with a big smile on his face. That ol' Dominican magic never ceases to amaze me. It's been a while since I hung out with him either, and I'm just happy to have him, and all my long lost amigos celebrating with me.
I leave Amyn and Kia to talk and I go to the bathroom...Shit, they have that dude down there who turns on taps and gives you a towel to dry your hands and then you're supposed to tip...in the good ol' days when my sister and i first discovered the place, there was no bathroom guy and i can't help but feel a little guilty cuz i can't tip anyone due to the fact that i have zero dollars, and if anyone in the restaurant should leave a tip, it should have been me, since I had to pee every five minutes.
I come up from the bathroom and survey my wonderful surroundings. The gang's all here: Amyn, Lu, Gerrard, Sara, L'il sis, Kia, Quita and they're all asleep. I feel like a failure. How the hell can I be a mature 30 year old, if I can't keep my guests awake and entertained? Thank God it's my birthday and everyone has to be nice to me.
Finally the hostess tells us that our table is ready...
We're all seated and we try not to waste time when the waitress comes to take our order. I of course order a Jack and Ginger, but change my mind when I hear someone order a Blackberry mojito. Ohmigod! Blackberry mojitos...Blackberry mojitos! They were definetely a just reward for the wait. WE dont' waste time ordering appetizers, we all know what we want so we go ahead and agressively order our meals! Me and Liv order those little crab things that were crawling up and down a glass bowl trying to stay alive a few minutes ago.wHmmm...crispy! Gerrard wasn't too thrilled by that, but it's my birthday and I can eat swaganami if I want to. Finally, we all have our food.
Quita and Amyn, both picky eaters were satisfied with their choices, Amyn had the chicken teriyaki with those purple peruvian mashed potatoes-(they're so damn good-right Sara?) Quita enjoyed her sushi-except for the stuff that was really raw...and as far as i know, our house vegetarians were satisfied with their udon noodles and avacado rolls-if i'm wrong, they'll tell me...and oh yeah, around the time we were stuffing our faces, my homegirl Venus showed up with her boyfriend Mike, and everything was alright!Lucky for them, they could eat right away!
The After Party:
We ended up going to some spot two doors down from Sushi Samba that claimed to play live blues and r and b-i was REALLY happy at this point, mostly that we didn't have to travel...all i really wanted was to get my dance on...My friends tell me that the band screwed up the songs, (and couldn't sing) but i didn't care cuz by that point i was quite toasty. I did like the fact that they played some Chaka Khan, and the Gap band-it seemed fitting for a mature woman such as myself. Hell, they could have been singing nursery rhymes and I would have been happy. Amyn got them to shout me out on the mic, which made me feel really special- and Kia bought me the most beautiful roses I have ever seen. I have never received such beautiful flowers...Sara and Gerrard helped keep me "happy" and I felt like a princess-I danced, and I flirted...I felt like I was in high school. I haven't partied like that in years...and by the way guys- I swear...I didn't know that that dude was not,in fact, a dude-now I really feel old. (Quita-you know me, you'll have my back on this one!)
Well...in closing, I just wanted to say-thanks y'all for the best birthday of my life-I mean it...I was afraid to turn 30, but from the looks of things, it just gets better from here! To all of y'all...I can't thank you enough, and I can't wait to do it again...
I love you olivia, No one in the world could ask for a better sister, or friend. Thank you for all that you've done, all that you're doing and all that you are. my sister, my best friend...i couldn't exist without you...
Kia...thank you so much for the flowers-honestly, those are the most beautiful roses i've ever seen, and they've blossomed so beautifully-reminiscient of us-don't ya think?
sara-gerard (i won't use the name that i've been sworn not to call you) what else can i say? it wouldn't have been a party without y'all...by the way-i'm coming over this weekend:-)
quita-my homie..my ace-i don't think homeboy would have bought me a drink were it not for you-every girl needs a friend like you-too bad-you're mine! you're the best and i love you!
Lu...thanks for coming...i hope you made it home safe, i haven't heard from you since saturday night...
Amyn...con todos mi amor. muchas gracias. i'm greatful for your friendship-you're awesome...we're gonna do this again real soon, i promise. i'm so proud that you behaved yourself...even with so many beautiful women around...
well...nuff said, this blog can't really detail the events of the evening as much as i had planned but all of you who were there know how much it meant to me, and i thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Posted by renee at 12:25 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
November 7, 2004
November 7, 1945-November 27, 2001
Proposal For A Realistic Existentialism:
IT ALL COMES IN THE PACKAGE
UNLIKE A COMMODITY,
I AM ME-UNIQUE
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIKE ME
I AM SERIOUS-EVERYTHING I DO IS AN ASSERTION OF WHAT I AM
AND IF I BEWILDER YOU
IT'S BECAUSE I VARY
NEVERTHELESS I AM A GIFT OFFERED WITH NO CONDITIONS
TO YOU-SINCE I DAMN WELL EXIST
YOU DO TOO
-Anonymous
Before my father died, he copied that poem off of a subway car in Toronto. He showed it to me after I had been going through a rough time in my life. I just broke up with my golden boy, I hated my job, and I was living with my grandmother (his mother) who just didn't understand me. When he showed me the poem, I knew that he and I were the same person. We were living tortured lives; trying to get people to understand us, on our own terms.
Today is my father's birthday. My birthday is tomorrow. I always felt it was a blessing and a curse. My father was not the easiest person in the world to get along with. He was moody and sensitive, and he ws a deep thinker. He didn't open up much-and usually when he did, it was because he had reached his boiling point about something that he had held inside for far too long, and this would sometimes end up in volcanic like eruptions where he would explode into a rage-would unleashing his fury on those around him. I realize that I am the same way-I don't like to open up, my feelings are private and I don't like to be judged. I realize now that I inherited more from my father than his eyes. I didn't understand him when he was alive and I regret that I didn't try to. I want to talk to him. Now. I need him, now. I want to tell him that he was right, that "young bud nuh know storm", (Jamaican, which means: your dumb, young, green ass hasn't been on the earth as long as mine has, so you don't know anything about anything...)I was wrong about the world. I thought knew everything there was to know about life, and I hadn't even begun to live yet.
I'll admit, he cut me down to size on many occasions, but not before a passionate, heated family discussion/debate about race or politics. Daddy would get so pissed with my arrogance that he'd have to excuse himself and smoke a cigarette to calm his nerves otherwise, he would have taken it out his frustrations on me. Those are some of the earliest, and fondest family memories I have.
Christmas mornings were the best. They always began like this: Daddy waiting downstairs listening to Handel's Messiah. Mommy slaving in the kitchen, hooking up some ackee, saltfish, ham, and coco-tea that came fresh from Jamaica-it was such a fine luxury that she had to hide it until Christmas morning. Mommy would send Liv downstairs to call daddy to the table. He'd arrive and sit at the head and complain about something, probably mommy putting green peppers (he hated them) in the ackee. Phone calls came in, and phone calls went out to family overseas that we only spoke to during the holidays. We would finish breakfast, unwrap presents, and daddy would smile and thank us for yet another tie to add to his collection (he was so picky we never knew what to get him)we found that as we got older, the presents became fewer, which meant there was much more time to debate; Mommy would politely excuse herself from the table to clear up dishes and to avoid getting caught in the crossfire.
"One day you will put yourself in my shoes and you will understand", he used to say to me. He said that grandma (his mom,) used to tell him the same things he was telling me, and it didn't sink in until he had kids of his own. One day you'll be telling your own kids what I'm telling you..." He's not around for me to tell him he's right-or to see me tell his grandchildren everything he told me, but I promise to impart on them all of the wisdom, strength and courage that he left to me.
I know how cruel the world is, and not everything that glitters is gold-you should always be on the lookout for the diamond in the rough, but the most important lesson he tried to teach me, that I now understand is that I cannot rely on other people for approval, to validate me. He always told me that if I could look in the mirror and like what I see, then I would be alright. If I could do that-then I could sleep at night. Needless to say, in the past few months I haven't been able to sleep and when I look in the mirror, I don't recognize the person who is staring back at me,but I'm getting to know her, and see the beautiful person he saw.I'll admit, I was unhappy, which is the first step in overcoming my grief. I know I'm suffering from the same sickness that eventually ended up killing my dad. Insecurity. You see, my father was a talented musician. That was his passion. As writing is mine. Music was his fist love, but he also had a scientific mind and his mother preferred him to enter a career in medicine, which would be more profitable. He did as he was told and studied medicine in New York City where he would become a lab technician. This is where the story gets fuzzy-but -My grandmother won't tell me how my father ended up in Canada, but I think I know. In a way, I felt that his move out of New York, and his decision to give up on his career so that he could marry my beautiful mother Zoe, was a chance for him to live his own life-and not the life that others expected him to live. When my dad decided to pursue a sales career, I know that it was his requiem for a dream. I know this because I find myself in the same plight. I know what my passions are and I know what I'm good at, I know what I want out of life, but I've been crippled by fear. I don't want to end up unhappy, as I feel daddy was. I remember near the end of his life, memories of him on his favorite couch in our bassment, laying awake in the dark, with the t.v. on low, and the stereo playing at the same time, usually playing Mozart-his favorite classical musician. He spent so much time in the bassment, alone on the couch-and it haunts me. Perhaps if we had talked more, he wouldn't have kept all of those painful, negative thoughts inside, which I believe created the cancer in his body that overtook him. I know that daddy wanted to be a musician but he gave up. Not because he wanted to, but because he loved my mother and my sister and I and he had to make a life for us. So, he made the ultimate sacrifice, and moved to Toronto to become a damn good salesman. Everyone that worked for him, and with him came to him for advice. He knew everything about everything. I'm writing this on the eve of my 30th birthday. This year there will be positive change. This year I become responsible for me.
Everyone can read these words about you now, and know why it is that I can't stop talking about you, why I miss you, and why it is imperative that I live my life as a tribute to yours. I don't want to mourn in silence and sadness anymore. I don't want to view your death as defeat.
Mommy, Liv and I are fine. We've grown stronger every day, and we know that we're blessed. I know that you are safe now, and you really are free and that brings me comfort and joy. It's a little selfish of me to hang on to you, I know, -but I can't help it, I'm still alive.
Daddy,you were always my biggest fan-and you always encouraged me to speak my mind, and I always did that best through writing. So I'm writing this for you- I'm walking proudly in your footsteps and Iknow that I am always protected by your shadow. I love you daddy and I'm so proud to be your daughter. Happy Birthday.
June 19, 2005--a quick happy daddy day to all the father's who are, who have been, and are yet to be.
To My Own Father,
You are greatly missed, but never forgotten.
Posted by renee at 4:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
The Good Sheppard
I called this piece the Good Sheppard because I believe that Blacks worship political leaders as they do the Messiah. It's scary to me. It also irks me. I wrote this piece after watching a program on Brooklyn Community Access Television.
The Good Sheppard: How Elected Officials Pimp the Race Card
It’s 1:30 in the morning. I can't sleep so I do the usual- flip through HBO’s movies on demand trying to find a good (or bad) movie to watch to put me to sleep. I'm out of luck. I’ve already seen every single movie on the list at least twice, so I flip back to regular cable again, and much to my surprise, regular cable gave me something to sit up for. I'm a sucker for political commentaries and debates. I love a good argument. If you ask my boyfriend, he'll tell you the same. Pity he always loses, it takes the fun out of it. Anyway, it seems like tonight's program is some type of forum on a Black political issue. (I know it's a Black political issue because the audience is all Black, and they look pissed off. One of the key speakers-who I will call the Good Sheppard, has quite a popular following in the Black community, hence the title of this piece. Now, as I've said the show is already in progress; I’m not exactly sure what the topic is, but my interest was piqued. So, I decide to quit channel flipping for a while. Ahhh...feast for my fodder.
Turns out I was right, the show is about Black politics. Great. Now I have something to complain about, which is another thing I love to do-(I know, I need a life) and it's politicians who play the race card. I guess I arrived at our program right no time. I skipped the preaching and the parables. It never ceases to amaze me how Black political gatherings resemble church congregations.
Preaching to the Choir:
The panel consisted of three prominent community leaders. The Good Sheppard, the Senior Deputy District Attorney and another Black man. I’m sure he was important, because he was on the panel but I didn’t recognize him, and there was no notes on the bottom of the screen to tell me who he was. It seemed as if this town-hall style meeting was about the regular "Black" issues: drugs, crime, lack of funding for public schools, racism...etc. We’re all familiar with the “Black” plight.
The Gospel According to The Sheppard
The Good Sheppard approaches the podium to deliver his sermon. He gets the people riled up,“telling whitey like-it is” and blaming white America for the suffering Black population. His catch phrase, to which he recieves many "Amens" is that, "too many White men have too much power in New York City." Hallelujiah! He's attempting to lead the people to the promised land, where "whitey" doesn't exist, and poof! the problems of the Black community will disappear, if they put their trust in him-The good Sheppard. All they have to do is vote for the Good Sheppard. Follow him and all of their burdens will be cast aside.
“Damn right!” Screams an elderly man in the back, shaking his cane. He has been healed.
“You tell em’ brother!” Another voice from the back. The crowd goes wild! Audience members nod their heads in agreement, as they scream and shout, and testify. Blame whitey!
And this where I lose the spirit. I’ve heard it all before and I’m tired of giving whitey all the credit, damnit! Wait, a minute, don't strip me of my Black card yet-I'm not saying that racism doesn't exist. I'm not saying it's not responsible for the disparities in wealth, housing, schooling and all of those things, but I do think it's a crutch, and it gives us an excuse to fail. It's 2005 now people, and Whitey has a black face now that wants power and wealth, And she’s achieving it too! Just like our trusty Good Sheppard. (Oh, and a quick shout out to the very powerful Ms. Rice-Condi if your nasty!)
The Truth
Let’s face it-the good Sheppard wants votes. Without a faithful flock, he has no seat in “whitey’s” government, and of course no power. He doesn’t get that lovely $90, 000 per year of “whitey’s money,” or “whitey’s” influence over laws, and the district that elected him. The council member can say whatever he wants about “whitey”; he’s already played “whitey’s” game and been very successful at it, which is why he’s remained in his comfortable council seat for the last few years. I listened to the Good Sheppard ramble on, even as my headache was worsening. I listened to him ramble on about prison statistics, "dropping the rock" (Mentioning the draconian Rockefeller Drug Laws is the easiest way to get most Blacks interested in politics,and collect votes, especially among young Black men, and the hip-hop generation who are considered the ones to be most affected by these laws.
Essentially, the Good Sheppard claims that Black people have been screwed over because of slavery. True. Slavery is definetely responsible for economic disparity among Blacks in America. (For an excellent discussion on this, every Black person should read The Debt: What America owes to Blacks, by Randall Robinson.) He claims Black people will always suffer because Blacks live in “whitey’s” world, and it’s “whitey’s” intention to keep them poor and disadvantaged.
Yes, the good Sheppard is quite convincing, charming and charismatic. A good looking brother too...but I am not so easy to be led. I listened for as long as I could. This argument hasn’t done squat to improve the situation of Blacks in this country. I want solutions, not empty rhetoric.
It’s time for a new strategy. First of all, crime, poverty and inequality in the justice system are not just Black issues. They affect poor white people as well; America has used the concept of race to keep a segment of the population super-exploited. Lets look at the facts: there are more whites than Blacks on welfare, and the prison industrial complex affects poor blacks and whites,males and females providing an ever-ready supply of cheap or free labor. As for the drug issue, there is certainly a discrepancy between the Black and white drug offenders prison sentences.
Of course, Blacks have always been associated with crime. Thank MTV, BET, mass media and consumer culture for that. Hip hop is the most popular form of music today, it promotes a certain type of lifestyle and caters to a particular crowd. Ironically, it has been used to exploit the exploited.
The roots behind the problem of Drug use must be addressed. Drug abusers (who are most likely to get arrested and serve jail time) have a sickness; they need rehabilitation, not punishment.
A rich white junkie living in the suburbs has everything in common with a poor Black junkie and vice-versa. Call me cynical, call me a snob, call me whatever you like, but I think that to blame racism for all the ills of Black people in this world is an excuse; attacking someone as a racist is a great way to gain publicity, and perhaps a few people will applaud your courage because you spoke out about it. However, the glory is short lived. What happens after that? The racist will go home a racist. You have done nothing to change his mind. Where does that leave us? Still exploited, discriminated against, and powerless. It doesn't have to be that way.
We can defeat racism, and the first way to defeat it is to stop living the stereotype. We all know it. It's the one that claims that as a Black person, you are supposed to automatically identify with “Black” politics, hate whitey and relate to poverty, or ghetto culture! This screws us because Blacks can be ultra conservative, or have views that are so far left they're hanging out the window, but many of us don’t study policy-we vote according to race. Let’s be honest-we have lots of well-to-do Blacks singing, testifiying, and gentrifying in the same communities we blame "whitey" for taking over.
If you want to know why the situations in your districts aren’t improving, check your friendly neighborhood councilperson. They’re responsible. Why did you vote for him or her? How much did you really know about his or her platform besides the fact that he marches in your parades, attends your church and kisses your babies? What has he done for you lately? Politicians who race bait are worse than racists. They should know better. Did you know that elected officials seeking re-election to their posts know exactly where each and every one of their votes comes from? They only have to please the voters who put him or her in office. Since they’ve already done this by securing enough votes to put them in, and by completing their term without a major riot happening in their district, they know that as an incumbent, their seat is pretty much secure, and I know this because an elected offical told me so.
The Solution
My blood pressure has begin to rise, so I think I need to start channel surfing again. I’m heading back to HBO. It's like kismet or something-Chris Rock’s "Never Scared" is on. He’s talking about everything I just spoke about, but he's managed to make it entertaining.
I just happened to get to the part where Chris Rock says that "Blacks are rich, but we ain’t wealthy!" Amen Mr. Rock! While we have money to buy rims, designer clothes, and chains so thick, they look like “midgets hanging from our necklaces” , we do not invest, or create more wealth for our families so that we can prevent future generations of poverty. Instead of attempting to own our craft, we end up becoming slaves to it. Look at the current state of sports and entertainment-two of the areas where Blacks dominate. We’re too busy trying to “outshine” one another that the inequalities between rich and poor, Black and white will always exist in America.
******************************************************************
Conclusion
During slavery, it was illegal to teach Blacks to read and write. In fact, a slave was risking his life if he knew how. It is no longer a crime for Blacks to read and write although, it is criminal that too many of our children do not know how. It is because of this lack of knowledge, that too few of us become involved in the political process. I don't mean just getting into the field of politics, I mean becoming activists in our political, social and personal lives. It means advocating in your neighborhood, in your homes and churches. We don't always have to follow. We can lead. As free people, we don't have to eat what we are fed or do what we are told by any means.
Too many of us use the excuse that politicians are liars, and they only look out for white people. If that exists, it’s because we are apathetic. We let them make our decisions for us, and if there ain’t nobody to rock the boat, it’s gonna keep on sailing. It is crucial that as Black folk we understand what is going on in our districits, our communities and the world. It means reading contracts and understanding what we're reading. It means communicating effectively...and without prejudice.
The Florida fiasco alienated many eligible voters from the electoral process, resulting in the Bush administration. Most of the things that happened were a result of the threat of violence and intimidation, but some of the things that happened could have been avoided through education. For example, some Black voters were turned away because they had no identification. You do not need identification to vote. We must understand that voting, as insignificant as it may seem is in fact crucial to our survival and prosperity as a democracy. Our votes and opinions matter too much- it's evident in the way that politicians pimp the vote, and the reason that so many of us were kept away from the polls.
Activism doesn’t stop with the vote-it begins there. We can read about issues affecting our communities and write letters to our newspapers, community leaders, and the media. We have a voice, that “whitey” obviously listens to-hip hop is now a multi-billion dollar industry, I say we take the mic’s back, and start a movement!
Unfortunately there are too many of us that are poor, and suffer from inadequate housing, inadequate education and injustice.
Knowledge is Power!
The best cliché I've ever heard. Why do you think the government makes such great efforts, spending exorbitant amounts of cash on creating prisons, creating inferior education systems, maintaining ghettos and making the political process inaccessible to poor people? Education is a right, not a privilege and should be enjoyed by all, especially in a country that prides itself on being the beacon of democracy. Military recruiters are prevalent on the campuses of inner city high schools all over the United States, lying to our sons and daughters about what the army will do for them. Due to clauses in the Bush administration’s No Child Left Behind Act, schools receiving Title I funds must provide the government with the names of students eligible to fight for their country. Due to this fact, too many young and poor men and women are sent off to die for a war that serves corporate interests, not the interests of American citizens.
“Whitey” has a Black face in City Hall, Albany and Capitol Hill. Black and Brown elected officials are making key policy decisions that affect the lives of Americans. How has the issue of affordable housing increased now that we have elected more of “our” own into government? What are we doing about the working poor, who can’t afford to feed their families? Where the hell are our jobs going? Black and White Americans are asking the same questions. It’s time our politics reflected that.
Hardworking, tax-paying, politically conscious Americans, of all pigmentations, but especially those who happen to have more melanin in their skin refuse to succumb to racial politics that impede our progress as a nation. Whether your personal politics fall along the same lines as Bill Clinton or Bill O’ Reilly, Al Sharpton or Al Franken, Malcolm X, or Martin Luther King, as citizens of a democracy, we have an obligation to create a discourse that addresses the fundamental premise upon which this nation was built-that all men and (Women) are created equal to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility…and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity…” each endowed with the rights and responsibilities of citizens united to help this great nation fulfill her promise.
Posted by renee at 3:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 5, 2004
After the Race...
Now that the campaign is over, and my hellish
nightmare is a miserable reality for
another four years, there are a few things
about this campaign, and the dirty game of politics that I must
get off my chest, if I'm ever to get a decent night's sleep.
I've been in mourning for the last couple of
days-weeping for my beloved country. I'm still
pretty much in shock- I lay awake in the
darkness and solitude of my room, trying to console myself and make some sense of this election disaster. I'm having flashbacks of the notorious eighties-not the good kind, like converse sneakers, oversized fluorescent sweatshirts or Duran Duran. It's more like
cutbacks to social programs, tax-cuts for the wealthy, corporate favors and conservative right-wing fundamentalism. The Contract with America has been renewed, although the majority of Americans have not consented to it.
I haven't watched the news since the election
outcome, I've been avoiding it like the plague, preferring to entertain myself with Sponge Bob Square Pants or the Simpsons in place of the news. I just can't believe the broadcasters can deliver it with straight faces. Fox news is an exception of course, their smug mugs are rejoicing, and I suppose I can't blame them. They won.
Well, as many of you know, I suffer from insomnia, and that forces me to channel-surf late at night, hoping to find something to either put me to sleep or encourage me to do something productive while I'm awake. Sometimes, I flip past Late Night with Bill Maher. I have a crush on him, (I'm not ashamed to admit it anymore-I feel these are the last days anyway, so I'm airing out all of my dirty laundry.)even though his arrogance is a bit much sometimes. I suppose that's what's so sexy about him, and what's worse is that I find myself agreeing with him most of the time.
Tonight's guests are Richard
Belzer, (of Law and Order SVU fame, and apparently, he's also a comedian)Ex-republican, General Wesley Clark, Kevin Costner, and the right wing pundit everyone loves to hate, Anne Coulter.
The debate on tonight's program inspired me to write this because I was impressed by the passionate debate among all the guests who were well informed about political issues. i felt that this episode showed what political debate in this country is supposed to be about.
The show raised many issues that this country should address. It dealt with honesty,civility and principle in politics. You see, Ever since I've reached the age of political maturity,(which means I'm no longer idealistic about anything. I like realistic, pragmatic solutions to real issues, not theory or rhetoric.) I've come to realize that I'm not being honest with myself and I'm doing a disservice to my country-to the ideals that this country was built on. I voted out of duress, even though I knew better.
I'm a student of political science, and I understand how politics really works. In other words, I understand the science behind the politics. There's more to it than politicians, elections, laws, bills, checks and balances. These are ways to confuse the average citizen into thinking that we have an impartial system that seeks to protect the individual from any attempt by the state to abuse its power. Not since the inception of this country has that ever been true. Politics is the battleground of the wealthy. It's about power, prestige and influence-and who wields it.
Regardless of where you fall on the political/ideological spectrum. Everyone wants to be a leader. (Think Animal Farm)
For example, I'm supposedly a democrat, yet I didn't want Kerry to win. Even though I didn't want Bush to win either, I felt that even as fumble-mouthed as he is, had a much clearer goal. I find that to be true of the republican party in general. Sometimes, I'm tempted to switch sides. Knowing what I know, if I were to vote based on my conscience, I should have voted for Ralph Nader, or the Green Party. I think that they are making an effort to change things in this country. However, if I did that, Bush would undoubtedly receive more votes, since Kerry did the democrats a major disservice by not being clear enough about his goals if he were to become the next president. So, in an emergency effort to defeat Bush, I was forced to vote for Kerry, even though I knew my efforts were futile.
Democracy or Fallacy?
We keep telling ourselves we want change in this country, but how prepared are we to deal with it? The two-party system, as we know it,
is pretty much a black and white system; most people vote Democrat or Republican, independents have been gaining some momentum in this country but not enough.
Is there really that much of a difference between Democrats and Republicans? Both serve corporate interests and neither party does anything to change the conditions for the poor or working
class in this country. In fact, laws are passed and signed by both parties, which maintain the conditions that exploit the working class, and the poor. It's just that Democrats talk around issues. They're very good at that. Which brings me to another point. When was the last time a democrat or republican campaign ever stopped in the projects and kissed the babies that have to grow up in dilapidated houses and drug infested communities?
Before one can even think about running for office, you have to be backed by some pretty hefty money. This whole "I'm for the little
guy" crap that the Democrats like to pull over our eyes makes me want to hurl! Kerry and Bush are both sons of privilige-it just so happens
that Kerry's money and privilege now comes from his wife. (Anne Coulter was so kind as to point this out-and is it not the truth?) Now wait, I know that most of you have read Lies,and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, and you want to pull Anne Coulter's hair out. It's true that she is not the world's most beloved woman, but before we condemn her, lets take a look at a couple of points:
Anne Coulter may be a republican, and she may very well be a liar-but, she makes sense some times-the democrats don't always tell the truth either-she mentioned John Kerry's flip flopping on the war issue and she's right: he did.
If I was some average Joe Blow who didn't understand a thing about politics, but just wanted to vote the "right" way, and lived in a swing state, I'd probably vote for Bush, based on Kerry's handling of the war issue. People want a president that is going to keep the country safe, and lets face it, America is in a vulnerable state right now. And most voters did not want to waste their votes or risk their futures on a potential president who is likely to sway wichever way the wind blows. That is not characteristic of a leader. Also, history has proven that during war-time, people are most likely to vote for the president who is in office during the crisis. They feel more secure.
Now, those of us who are informed, know that Bush has torn this country apart, but here is where the honesty in politics I mentioned before comes into play.
Kevin Costner said God Bless Ralph Nader for having the guts to come out and say the things that Americans need to hear. Many Americans don't like Nader because he tells the truth. We are a corporation nation, that is how we make our money. Our livelihoods are dependent on corporations. Most of us (myself included)are so comfortable driving gas guzzling SUV's, drinking Starbucks coffee and enjoying the fact that we can outdo the Joneses with whatever bigger and better product is on the market, that that we don't think about the drastic toll these cuts are having on the future of our country and our environment. (an issue that was virtually ignored in the campaign)
If we stopped relying on foreign oil, there would be no need for us to be in Iraq. It's true, but if we didn't rely on cheap oil, the costs at home would skyrocket, and we would all have to give up the luxuries that we have become accustomed to, and we could no longer outdo the Joneses next door. We profit off of cheap labor-and it's true that immigrants will take the jobs that no one else wants-they would rather be exploited then return to countries that disregard their basic human rights.
Costner also talked about the lack of enthusiasm for voting in this country-a right that is the staple of democracy, and the reason we stick our noses in other countries affairs. He mentioned that it's about time people voted on principle-and then he made reference to General Wesley Clark saying, "You go to war and risk your lives based
on principle. [Why should it be any different when we are voting for the president of our country?"] Good point Kevin.
Belzer, Costner and Clark then went on to talk about the good old days in American politics when candidates could fly to campaign stops in the same planes and they were civil to one another on and off camera. Today, a candidate's ability to lead is brought into question if he is for gay rights or against abortion, whether or not he/she is a Christian, conservative or liberal.
Issues about how long a candidate served in the war, what they actually did there and all kinds of trivial issues were irrelevant to the issues of the 2004 presedential campaign-yet we were forced to sit through this childish non-sense of who did what to whom. The worst thing about it was that while Bush and Kerry fought back and
forth like school children-our troops were being murdered. Everytime the Swiftboat ads came on, it made my skin crawl. So what Kerry exposed atrocities in Vietnam. If he spoke up for abuses that were taking place(and we all know atrocities took place)-good for him at least he had the courage to speak up. On the flip side-even though I loathe Dick Cheney-I thought it was unnecessary, and in very poor taste for John Edwards to mention the fact that his daughter was gay. It had absolutely no place in the campaign. When Maher asked Costner what he thought would be the best way to get a political message across to the public he answered: through the camera. He said that you could tell whether or not a candidate was honest by basically looking into his eyes when you watch them on t.v. I understand where he's coming from; it works with actors, but it shouldn't
with politicians, regardless of the similarities.
Like an actor, the politician plays a role. He says what people want
to hear. While many people felt that Kerry "looked" better, I was not impressed-Kerry was the proverbial soundbite, and I was tired of seeing him smile (at least we know his tooth-whitener works) What can I say?
An election wouldn't be an election in America if we didn't get to see a debate on t.v. The candidates primary goal is to get elected-so he'll say whatever he wants to achieve his goal. People like Bush because they can relate to his "cowboy testosterone" appeal. He's cool and calm, laid back and straight to the point, without the fluff-very much like a movie star-but of course, he's still full of crap.
Liberals Vs. Conservatives
There are are many democrats who are more conservative then
republicans and vice-versa. I think it's unfair that we are expected to commit to one ideology when we vote. For example, Costner raised the issue of gun-control, (which happens to be a conservative issue; most republican conservatives are against gun control, while most democrats and liberals are for it)yet I see nothing wrong with gun ownership, even though I consider myself somewhat of a liberal. Gun ownership is an "Americanism". Our country was founded and guarded on the basis of gun ownership and it is a constitutional right! The problem is not the guns, as liberals want us to believe, it is the lax policies of government agencies, corruption and greed and the ineptness of bureaucrats who turn a blind eye to the illegal flow of
weapons in and out of the country, which fuels the underground economy.
Costner also spoke about the war in Iraq-and this country's preoccupation with "killing the terrorists". I agree that Osama Bin Laden should die, I hope we find him soon and kill him and obviously Iraq is "better off" with out Saddam Hussein, but I think we've lost sight of what this war is about-if woman and children now have the right to vote-and we're there to make long-opressed people "free",and change the infrastructure in Iraq then that is what we should be focusing our resources, information and intelligence on. Not prolonging an expensive war and increasing bloodshed of millions of innocent victims who get caught in the crossfire.
Costner said he understands now why there are curtains in the voting booths. When he spoke about this I got excited,because I wish that
more people who felt like he and I would speak out! Then change may actually become a reality in this country. He mentioned having friends who were afraid to speak about their political views for
fear of backlash. One of the things that's annoying aboutwatching Late Night With Bill Maher-is the audience who boos and claps, most of the time without letting a guest finish their point. When Maher told his guests that Anne Coulter was appearing on the show, Belzer had a crazy tantrum. He started calling her names and things, which I didn't think was fair because
a)she hadn't spoken yet, and b) she wasn't
there to defend herself. Besides, it's just immature. I don't agree with her all the time, but she has a right to speak-this is, after all, a free country.
Speaking of Coulter and controversy- I've been
knocking this around in my head ever since the 9/11 attacks. It's the issue about Bush waiting 7 minutes before he reacted to the news of the terroist attacks. Maher asked Coulter if she thought this was "president-like behavior". She then asked him if it would have been more "presidential" for him to be running around the school screaming like a wildman, scaring the children and the teachers.
I believe that the president has a responsibility to maintain his composure during a crisis-that is why he is chosen to lead. (I'm not saying people always choose that way-but they should.) He has a cabinet and advisors for this purpose. Maher than asked her if she felt Giuliani would do the same thing. (Fortunately, Giuliani was able to respond immediately because he was in closer proximity.) He was the Mayor of New York City, what was he supposed to do? Like Al Sharpton said, "if Howdy Doody had been mayor, he would have had to respond."*
Bush, on the other hand was miles away-seven minutes or not, he would not have been able to respond as quickly as Giuliani had. I just had to get that off my chest, because I feel that the anti-Bush propaganda was unfair in their attacks. (See I actually believe in being fair and balanced, I stick up for both sides.) It's not the seven minutes we should be concerned about-it's what happened before the attack, that is more important. Bush was presented with information that he chose to ignore. It's also what happens following the attack-Bush has chosen to skip capturing Bin Laden, to take care of his own business in Iraq.
Although the road to the White House was entertaining, the Bush campaign used fear and propaganda in the worst way-to intimidate
people and pressure them to vote republican. Many democrats voted republican based on gay marriage and abortion; moral issues that have no business in politics.
I also find it scary-and tragically ironic that we are at war to rid the world of terrorists who claim to be carrying out God's mission by bombing innocent women and children, yet George Bush-God's avenging angel has waged a war in Iraq and at home which has also claimed the lives of thousands of women,children, husbands and sons, daughters and wives. It has claimed thousands of jobs and divided this country beyond belief. The Bush administration has done irreparable damage to this country and it saddens me.
**Congratulations to Obama Barack-Illinois first African-American senator- a victory for the state of Illinois and his ancestral home of Kenya...please stay true to your promise to fight not only for universal health care, jobs and better education in America, but also for your brothers and sisters, all over the world who are depending on you to fight for what is right.
Peace...
Posted by renee at 2:06 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 2, 2004
Revelation Sunrise...
Well...first i want to apologize to my homegirl Blossom...I'm so sorry to have taken so long to reply to your post, but after this entry-i'm absolutely positive you'll forgive me...as a matter of fact, we'll definetely have to burn one down-to celebrate the fact that I finally found a kindred spirit: Someone in New York City who has an appreciation for Degrass. It's like a cult classic! Now are you talking about old Degrassi? (Wheels, Spike, Snake and the Zits? or new Degrassi-which is actually pretty damn good-I can't believe the issues the kiddies have to face these days. Everytime i watch the show I'm proud to be a Canuck! The other night I saw Maple Leaf Gardens and i reminisced about all those amazing hockey fights i witnessed there during my youth. God Bless you Blossom....
I gotta go. It's 8:54 and soon enough, we will find out who the new president will be, and yes, i'm going to admit it right here and now, I was not impressed by either of the two choices, but I voted, like a good American should...even if I voted out of duress.
I have some other shit to take care of as well, i'm sitting here in my bedroom amidst stacks of boxes filled with books, things and memories. i'm listening to Jack Johnson's Bubble Toes, and thinking about my life up until this point. I'll be turning 30 next week and it's been a crazy, whirlwind journey to arrive here. You see, i'm preparing to leave the past behind. Literally. I made some mistakes and stuff in the past which have led me here, but make no mistake about it, I have no regrets-it's a part of the journey and I wouldn't take any of it back. It's time to move on-I've come to accept that. I was in a miserable mood for the past few months wondering why every door i turned to was being slammed in my face. I've been looking everywhere for a job, I was willing to do almost anything,just so that I could stay in my apartment. But it just isn't meant to be.
I recieved another rejection letter today-and I'll tell you, prior to writing this blog-I was feeling pretty shitty. Then it hit me. I'm sitting here whining about having to move out of my apartment, when it could have been worse: (I've applied for public assistance and I've seen what people who have no choice have to go through, and it ain't right-I have my grandmother, and a place to rest my head for a while, (rent-free) while I plan for my future the right way-making realistic choices. And while I'm searching for a job to pay my bills in the meantime I suppose I can write. It's what I want to do, and I've been neglecting my passion, choosing instead to sit at home, feeling sorry for myself-you've all read the pity party blogs, so I'll spare you the details.
The thing that upset me the most about this whole situation was the feeling that I was leaving something behind, or that I'd be missing out on something. Of course, I'll miss my roomate, parties, great food, wine...needless to say, Kia was the best damn roomate a miserable, introverted chick like myself could ask for. We've lived together for four years without incident-except for...Mr. Golden Boy Ahh...the memories...I never thought that there'd come a day when I'd back on it and laugh; you promised me that I would. Just like you promised me that even though my living situation might change, that things were chaotic now, that they would get better. i trust you-you've never let me down girl, I love you! (Aunt Jen, don't worry-it's not what you're thinking-and oh yeah, Kia, in order for me to kill that rumor, you are gonna have to come visit mi a mi yard!) That's Jamaican for you better come visit me-besides, it's about time they found out that you do in fact exist.:-)
I am a different person now than I was back then, I'm grown up now, and we all know that this is a place that I am all too keen never to visit again. (Did that make sense?) I have you and this whole experience to thank for that. I've made wonderful friends, (y'all know who you are...ahhh shit, i've said it many times before what difference does it make if i say it again-Gerrard, Sara, Marianne (We'll always have vodka sangrias...At least when I'm famous there's no way I can deny you entry at the estate-you'll have this blog to prove that i know you:-) You guys have taught me the lessons that I will take with me as I move forward, and for the rest of my life...and by the way-Sara and Gerrard, you might want to get me a little pull-out bed or something...I have a feeling I'll be seeing y'all a lot more! By the way-your advice was well taken, I'm practicing my guitar and writing every day-i have no choice! Well, that's not entirely true-I've always had choices, just that I'm making the right ones now. So once again, I thank you!
And Craig, my fellow Jamericanadian, and beloved___________what would I do without you? Actually, I know the answer to that, and I also know that life just wouldn't be worth living:-) You're the best writing workshop I've ever had! I'm so sorry you won't be here to celebrate my rite of passage-it's cool though, all is forgiven if you give giggles a big kiss from her auntie Nay Nay in New York and send me the pic.
Now...I've just turned on the television, I've been anxious all day, it's not looking good...ahh...crap, just as I was starting to feel better.
peace-
p.s. Liv-a.k.a Ms. mcgee: Why the hell is there no comment from you? Don't let me call you out now! oops...i already did.
Posted by renee at 8:51 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack