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June 6, 2006
More Confessions...
i don't expect that too many people will like what i have to say-most people don't harbor such resentment towards their grandparents. Well, most people don't have a grandmother like mine. i apologize in advance to those of you who will be mortified by what I'm about to say, but if i don't write this piece, the headlines of tomorrow's news may read: ASPIRING YOUNG WRITER/STAR MURDERS GRANDMA WHILE SHE PRAYS. Since my grandmother is not cognizant of any other piece of literature besides the bible, and she doesn't care about anything that any of her grandchildren do unless it has made her lots of money or gained her some type of nototoriety, I am safe for now, because she will never read this. But you will. Some will consider me evil, for speaking of my grandmother like that, while others may identify. Just because her blood runs through my veins does not mean I have to like her.
I can never understand a woman who prays so hard for good things to happen to he family and loved ones, yet when they come to her she admonishes them, swats them away as though they were flies. She speaks to them with an accid tone-the God that she prays too must not like her family too much. I can only assume she acts that way because God told her to. That's her justification for every thing.
It's bizarre, when my father was alive, she was still miserable, but she was bearable. Now, she's just intolerable. But i try my best to appease her. I don't ask for anything. I buy my own groceries, even pay her rent, premium cable and phone bill. Well, let me be clear here, the premium cable was my idea. I wanted to get her to like me. It didn't work. She told me she never needed cable-she'd be fine with the grainy television she'd been watching for damn year 100 years. That's how old my grandmother is, I think.
However, she wouldn't have had "mama's family to laugh her ass off at each and every night. Nor jeopardy-which next to Jesus Christ, is her other religion. It intrigues me that a woman who abhors formal education (She kept calling my Master's degree a "stupid degree," when i was unable to find a job)so much would enjoy a program like jeopardy. But then, I figured it out. It makes her feel smart. Thereby regaining control of a generation that think they know it all. They don't. They never will. Of course not, Grandma knows it all. I go into her room while she's watching this show, because I'm trying to bond. She notices me coming and becomes as stiff as cardboard. Her face stony and mean. I sit on the edge of her bed. Here comes Alex with the first question. I don't know the answer, but I pretend to-my how delighted she was, years of tension escaped her face when she saw that I was wrong. Hey Grandma...if that makes you happy...then I'm happy too! To be continued...
Posted by renee at June 6, 2006 8:46 AM